I can't believe we've reached the end of another school year! Despite the fact that many school days seem to drag on and on, we actually have only a couple of weeks left before we're free. I'm just quoting the students here; this wording in no way reflects how I feel as a teacher...(cough, cough)...
This time last year, our family was in a whirlwind of excitement because Dale was graduating! We spent soooo much time---and money---finding table decorations, setting up the reception area, printing out announcements, and trying to remember all the last-minute necessities to celebrate Dale's achievement; once graduation night was finally over, our whole family took a much-needed break. This year, we can take it a little easier. Ashley graduates next year; my English classes are taking their finals a bit early; and, so far, I have no responsibilities graduation night. Summer, here we come!
I wrote in my last post about Dale's struggles with finding a goal or purpose since graduation. He is continuing to spend most of his time sitting at the table, playing on his iPad, or watching TV. However, he seems to be realizing that his opportunity to recover his lost mobility is slipping away. Chad walked Dale over to the barbershop across the street from our house this week; he reported that Dale seriously struggled just getting from the front door across the street to the barber. But this time Dale noticed how hard it was just to walk. Dale actually realized just how much mobility he's lost due to his inactive state. You see, when Dale needs to walk somewhere, anywhere, he takes a few long, quick strides (before his fear of falling kicks in); then he jerks to a halt and begins taking short, halting, tiny steps. This naturally increases the time it takes for him to get where he's going. These baby steps are accompanied by a hunched back, curved shoulders, labored breathing, and sweaty palms. At least once during each walk, Dale needs to pause and regroup before proceeding with his painstaking steps. His balance is very unstable, making it the responsibility of the person walking with him to keep him balanced and upright, poised at any moment to adjust Dale's balance or catch him if he should start to fall. Needless to say, walking with Dale---even just from the bathroom to his bedroom---is a long, hard, frustrating prospect. My husband has been encouraging us to show compassion for Dale, instead of anger or annoyance. He has correctly pointed out that, as frustrating as it is for us to have to shuffle with Dale across the room and back, it's ten times as hard for Dale because THIS IS DALE'S LIFE NOW. This is how he is, every day, every hour, every church service, every time we want to have a family outing. We have to ability to walk away once our duties with Dale are completed, but Dale lives with himself and his disabilities day in, day out. Dale knows that he did this to himself and he knows that nothing is going to get magically better: he is going to continue to decline until he's in a power wheelchair....or worse. This is not the life he dreamed of, nor is it the life he would have chosen, even if he did choose to stop trying, thereby making his life more difficult than it maybe should have been. Chad is right: we need to show compassion toward Dale and help him cheerfully and willingly. If all we show is anger and annoyance, our relationships with Dale will be damaged. And, those relationships are all he has now. He has occasional fun outings with Bro. Goltiao and some of the guys, but we are his main interactions. He is in church services a few hours each week, but he lives in our house 24/7. He needs the strong, loving, happy, teasing, friendly relationships with his family in order to have as full a life as is possible. There well may come a day when he will be an invalid, a vegetable, or comatose because of his seizures; how sad it would be if the last memories we have with Dale are filled with irritation, harsh words, unkind thoughts, or anger. We need to make sure we maintain a kind, compassionate, giving attitude toward Dale; we will be helping fill his days with light and cheer, as well as pleasing God with our actions.
We recently moved into a new house! God amazingly worked everything for our good, as He always does when we surrender our will to Him and let Him have His way. I wanted a house on five acres with at least 3,000 square feet, a big kitchen, multiple bathrooms, and possibly a mother-in-law suite for guests. We sold our old house in November and moved December 1st into a rental. Our plan was to look around for a couple of months before beginning the buying process. I found online a handful of really nice houses that seemed to meet every desire I had! Only problem was, we didn't qualify for any of those houses. Chad spoke with our wonderful realtor, Michele Wright, and gave her a list of what "we" were looking for; I admit I was upset when I found out he'd spoken to her without my input! Then, she emailed him several listings meeting his specifications, and they planned to meet one day to view some listings. I was in school and could not accompany them. Imagine my shock when Chad called and said that he had decided to put an offer on a house and that Michele was emailing me the signing documents!!! I was soooo upset! I had not even seen the house in person (only pictures which, honestly, were not very encouraging), and here my husband wanted to just up and buy the house! We were able to arrange a second viewing that afternoon after school, and I was AMAZED. Even though I was still scared to buy a house that far away from church/school (30 minutes!), I loved the house when I saw it. We are now the proud owners of a one-story beautiful farmstyle house. It is a deep farmhouse red with white trim, sitting on just over a quarter acre. It's actually inside the town limits, giving us easy access to a Wal-Mart, Safeway, and Goodwill, while letting us enjoy the peace of the countryside on the drive to and from wherever. I'm still surprised by the quiet of our house! I had become used to the constant hum of traffic, but now the night is fairly quiet. We have 2330 square feet, 3 bedrooms plus a den which we made into a bedroom for Dale, 2 bathrooms, a huge kitchen, a huge sunken family room, hardwood floors, a large deck, a playhouse for Emily, a large garden area, cherry trees, a grapevine, and rhodies!!! We absolutely love our new home and are so grateful for God's blessing. He gave us the home we needed instead of the home I desired. Plus, having (almost) everything on one level makes life so much easier for all of us, especially Dale. God is good!
So, life continues as usual, filled with activities, school, church, relaxation, softball (Chad), volleyball (Ashley and Emily), ups , downs, music, excitement, boredom, endless laundry, and love. Our God remains our constant, and we rest in His care. May you do the same.
I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you."
